


The End Of Me

by izzylerd (orphan_account)



Category: USWNT - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, all of the angst, retiring au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/izzylerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobin has played for the USWNT for 15 years, gaining best friends and a wife along the way. It's been great for her, but it's time to move on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Right so I am so sorry??? Because this is like, the angstiest angst I've ever written. But hey Talex! 
> 
> My friend gave me the idea for this shirt little thing, all I can say is I'm sorry for being this way. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope I break your heart in the best way possible!

I haven't even closed my eyes and I can already feel the pain of tomorrow. I don't want to think about it, how painful and sad it's going to be. How many people I feel like I'm going to let down, how it's all going to affect my future. I don't want to think about any of it but it's all that's running through my mind. It hurts my heart and my soul, the game and the pitch is my life, has been my life for the past 15 years. I've seen so many things, gone so many places, scored so many goals in different countries and seen so many people. I feel like I'm just throwing it all away, but my time has come. 

////

I can feel Alex waking me up, it's soft and gentle, I know she doesn't want to show a lot of emotion for fear I might break down. I know this is hard for her too, watching her best friend and her wife leave the pitch for good. There were times I thought I wouldn't come back. I thought I'd go somewhere else and play, but I always came back to America. Sometimes I did it for the love of the country, for the fans that would chant my name like a god, for Alex. But my life without soccer just didn't seem right. 

//// 

It's quiet in the locker room, everyone doing their pre game rituals. After Carli and Becky retired they made me and Alex captains, but only I would be wearing the band today. It felt weird in my hands, knowing that I'll never get to put it on after this game. I look around the room, everyone is in their own little world but the atmosphere is just so sad. I don't think I can handle it. 

////

There's a lot of new girls on the team, girls with lots of talent and girls with futures. I know they'll change the game, they'll make it better like I did and they'll make it bigger. A part of me is sad that I won't get to watch it and be a part of it, this is probably the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. 

////

Amy retired a couple years after Lauren. And then Carli went, Becky went, even Hope and Christie went. Kelley was kind of torn apart when Hope left, they're still on different teams but they make it work somehow. 

Ali and Ashlyn finally got married too. It took a lot of waiting for the right moment and spending time apart for the NWSL seasons but they ended up together and retired at the same game. I still remember it, it was only a couple years ago but the pain still hangs with me. They live in Florida together, sometimes Kelley and I will go down and   
surf with them, for old times sake. 

Christen and Julie are still going strong, I'm happy for them. I still remember when Christen and I thought we'd be together but it never worked out. Julie was the one to admit it first, it was the first camp back from the Olympics and she came stomping out of her room into the breakfast hall and just blurted it all out. It was kind of funny, Alex and I had just gotten married and it was nice to see new love sprouting from the team. 

////

Mal is finally taking control too, it didn't even seem possible but she's gotten better. I think she'll be the new face of women's soccer, I know she's already so many people idol. She's not a teenager anymore, she's all grown up and it hurts so much to leave them all. 

////

When I step out of the tunnel the crowds cheer hits me like a truck, their deafening screams wake me up and I already feel like breaking down in front of everyone. Alex is standing beside me, she grabs my hand and pulls me around the crowd for a lap. I say hello to fans, sign some autographs, have tiny conversations and thank everyone. It's just all so sad, all of the teenage girls with tears in their eyes and my jersey on their backs. I've influenced so many people and it hurts to leave. It hurts more than anything. 

////

I'm lost in my own world while they play the national anthem, in 90 minutes my career will be over and it's making me want to throw up on the spot. But I push through it, I send great crosses and even score a goal once. My corners were all spot on, Alex and I even celebrate when she scores. 

And of course we win, Lex promised we'd win and she'd score for my last game, just like she scored in my 100th cap. I smile at the memory. 

It feels like it was so long ago, I was just a rookie and a New Kid, Alex and I were just starting out and my soccer career was finally getting a kick start. But the pain in my chest settles again when the final whistle is blown and the crew starts pulling out microphones and cameras. This is it. This is actually it. 

////

I see Lauren and Amy with their families in the stands. They're cheering and crying, I give them a smile and a wave along with all the retired veterans in the stands. They have a jersey with my name on it in the middle of the field with Alex and Kelley standing on either side. 

I take a deep breath, slipping out of my cleats and walking to the circle. Alex is already crying, and I can see Kelley starting to tear up. 

Alex grabs the microphone from a crew member and the cameras start rolling, the crowd instantly hushing when my wife puts the microphone to her mouth. 

"We're here today to say goodbye to Tobin Heath, my best friend, my bus buddy, my teammate, my wife. It's been a long 15 years, so many things have happened and we've grown a lot together. I know when we all leave today I'll get to come home to you but, you were my best friend before this all started and it's hard to watch you go. We've done so many things together, I still remembering scoring that goal for your 100th cap and being there for you at Portland for your ACL injury. We've gone through good times and bad times, but mostly good and I can't thank anyone enough for getting to spend this time with you on the pitch. You were an amazing player, the nutmeg queen, Captain Heath, and the star of the show. I love you a lot, and this is starting to get hard so I'm gonna let Kelley talk now ", I squeeze Alex's hand as she speaks, planting a kiss on her cheek when she hands the microphone to Kelley. 

"Wow, I don't even know what to say. Uhm, Tobin you're my best friend and I couldn't have asked for a better 15 years of my life with you. We've lived together, we've grown together, we've laughed and cried together. You were the best teammate I could have asked for, and I am so proud of everything you've done. You were there for my leg injury, you were there all those nights when I couldn't be with Hope, you were there when I got injured again, you've always been there. And that's what you do, you're there for people when they need a shoulder to lean on. You're my rock, Toby, the best rock I could ever ask for. This is all super sad and I wish you didn't have to leave but-", Kelley stops and let's out a sob, it finally makes me realize what's happening and the tears start flowing. 

"I love you, Tobin, and I'm really gonna miss you", Kelley says through the tears and I leave Alex's side to hug her. 

The arena is silent, it's deafening to me and I hate it. I pull back from Kelley, smiling sadly and squeezing her shoulders. 

I take the microphone from her with shaky hands and I take a deep breath, "I have absolutely no idea where to even start. Thank you Not So Baby Horse and Still Squirrel"

A couple laughs from the arena, "When I first started playing on the national team I had no idea I would be where I am right now. The first few years were the best I could've asked for and I got to meet a lot of great people, I got to meet all of you amazing fans. I met Alex and Kelley, Ashlyn and Christen and everyone else. I've watched my friends retire and move on to their families, I've watched a lot of losses but I've also watched a lot of wins. I can't really describe my experience with this team as anything else but amazing and I am so grateful to have played with all of you. And thank you so much to all the fans, you were there to get us through the tough times and you've always been there. I can't thank any of you enough for what you've done for this team"

I don't know how I get it out but I do, and I have to stop a couple of times to swallow past the tears. It all comes crashing down on me after a few seconds, watching the crowd scream and cheer and cry, seeing all of my friends clap with tears running down their faces so I just collapse. I sink to my knees and take it all in. Alex and Kelley sit next to me, rubbing my back as the crowd just keeps cheering. 

Everyone goes quiet for a moment and I look up. They're all smiling, and suddenly everyone raises their scarves and their flags. 

"We love you Tobin!" 

A smile spreads across my face. 

Yeah, I love you guys too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up ; becauseizzy.tumblr.com & holy.heath on instagram


End file.
